I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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