I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
