this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
