It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
