You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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