it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
