Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
