There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
