whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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