Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
