If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
