I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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