No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
