Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
