did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
