1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
