i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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