im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
