me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
