i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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