think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
