We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
