you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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