Christians are straight up FREAKS
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
