My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize