then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
