i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
