Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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