i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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