hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize