sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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