WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
