Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
