Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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