Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
