i jhust puked up my retainher.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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