I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
