guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
