a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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