I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
