i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
