Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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