i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
