i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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