My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
