You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
