I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
