you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
