you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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