My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
