I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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