whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
