If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
