too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
