Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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