I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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