apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
