Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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