What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
