I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
