Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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