i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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