WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
