it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
