She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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