Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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