watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
