I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
