I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
