I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
