I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
