I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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