oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
