you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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