Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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