also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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