in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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